I never imagined that I would know what it felt like to be filled with self-doubt and seemingly cosmic confusion. I used to think I knew exactly who I was, but now I’m not so sure.

Right now, the two surest things I know about myself is that I would “roll myself in a big ball and die”  if I continue my streak of self-disappointments. And also that I really really like Sinatra. Haha. 

I thought going to college would confirm my preconceived notions of my identity and remove all the inner qualms I’ve been secretly struggling with. However, even my choice of college isn’t sitting so well with me. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right in my “heart”.

Although, I also do believe I occasionally like to look on the bright side of life. I’m hoping to “make it count” this year and find myself (hopefully, hopefully in the engineering school I’m applying to), whatever those could mean. And I would be way more than pleased if I don’t find myself falling flat on my face each time I try.